


Overboard

by the_lie_eternal



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, In a way, Music, Song - Freeform, Songfic, yeah another fic about songwriting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 07:23:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19329844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_lie_eternal/pseuds/the_lie_eternal
Summary: Writing a song can be hard and sometimes pull you into places you never wanted to go.





	Overboard

**Author's Note:**

> A songfic to the amazing "Overboard" by Poets of the Fall!!

_I see you crying and it rains_

_Washing away the bad days_

_Washing away the pain loss brings_

 

Right before I was completely soaked in rain I rushed into the saving entrance of our studio, cursing myself for not bringing an umbrella with me. I loved the rain but not in such masses, when it became more of a burden than a very fascinating making of nature.

It was silent when I walked through the door – unusual, as I saw the light burning from the outside. It was already evening, I didn’t expect any of my mates to still be at work so first I guessed one of them simply forgot to shut off the lights. Only when I placed my bag on my table I spotted the man sitting hunched together in front of his own and I almost jumped as I saw him moving.

“Do I really look that hideous?” Markus muttered as his tired eyes blinked at me and my shocked face. He looked exhausted, as if he was running on purely short-time naps and coffee for several days. Maybe he had been, I took myself a whole week off after all.

“You look tired, most of all.” I replied and grabbed myself a chair to sit down next to the keyboardist, wrapping my arm around his shoulder right away. I could sense it when my friends felt exceptionally bad and Markus was everything but fine in this moment.

“It’s too much for me, this can’t be healthy at all but I don’t know what to do …” he mumbled and buried his face back in his hands, a well audible sob coming from him. No vocal practices tonight, Doctor Saaresto had a new patient.

 

_And then you smile though it aches_

_Cos you don’t believe in mistakes_

_Just that we made a mess of things_

 

We spent a few minutes in silence while I was gently stroking his back to calm him until I heard an unusual sound coming from a crying man. Markus began smiling, seemingly out of nowhere, but then began talking about the lump of sorrows stuck in his head.

“I have this song in my mind, not talking about the background or roots of it but I want it done, I want it to exist and I want it to be good. I’ve been trying for days, every night I sat at this desk and tried to grasp it, to make something out of what is roaming inside of my head but everything I do feels so wrong, unfitting and horrible. I remember you too write everything down what’s inside of your head and then search out the good bits in the mess but this doesn’t seem to work for me at all.” Markus rambled like a waterfall and to be honest, I felt him on that matter. I guessed he had a block, most of all.

“I’m only here at night, I don’t want any distractions and most of all I don’t want anyone to see me cry. You’re an exception now, can’t erase your memory.” he added and looked at me, his glassy eyes screaming for help.

“Most of the time I come here at night too. The darkness and the silence inspires me.” I stated and patted his shoulder.  


_When the deal that you made with love_

_Is now a one way street, a one way street_

 

I couldn’t talk Markus out of it. He wouldn’t tell me the meaning behind the song, except it being personal and important for him. I didn’t mind not knowing the roots but without the knowledge it was difficult to get him either motivated, inspired or so tired of it that he would leave it be and try sometime again.

He was almost completely mad about it, defending the unfinished piece as if it would mean death for him if someone even just thought something bad about it. I decided to help him, obviously. Somehow I had to get his creativity going and I could already expect why his brain didn’t work as it used to.

 

_You feel you’ll go overboard_

_Cos you’re incomplete, incomplete_

 

“See, this all just comes from the fact how useless and dumb I am. Why do I even try to do something like this, forcing myself to write a song that will turn out shitty anyway? Never have I ever did something well enough for all of you, why should it be different this time?” Markus became mad and smash-closed his laptop, suffering a sudden mood swing from sadness to anger, ready to destroy something. Quickly I stood up and held him by his shoulders.

“Without you we wouldn’t function at all, you are the most important part of us and think about it, without you no song would’ve ever seen the light of life. You do well enough on every single song, my friend.” I assured him and he calmed down, going back into his depressed state. The last time he had a proper sleep must had been days ago, too much caffeine running in his veins only made his state worse. He didn’t know what he was doing anymore, completely lost with the thought of that one certain song.

 

_You’re not afraid to rely_

_On any way you can try_

_To learn to make some sense of things_

 

“I can help you, Markus. I know that this is your song and your story you want to tell but someone or something has to get you going somehow or else you stay stuck in this vicious circle.” I explained and he nodded silently. He was tired, tired of himself, of his thoughts and most of all the sleep he was missing.

We went back to sit down at his desk, starting the laptop again. I told him to show the bits he already made. It didn’t make sense to him why I wanted to listen to his – in his mind – failures but I insisted. I had to get into the songwriting-mindset too, first of all.

It didn’t sound bad at all, I knew that our fellow bandmates would’ve liked those short snippets too but Markus was too blinded by his own hatred and anger about himself that he couldn’t think clear anymore. It was definitely good of me to visit the studio in such a messy night. Who knew what would’ve happened to Markus otherwise.

 

_And the way you say we’ll get by_

_With a little laugh we can fly_

_You know the measure of hope that brings_

 

The first thing I started with was doing my usual ritual-like practices I always did before trying something creative. Markus didn’t understand how it would help him but followed my movements and breathing-exercises nevertheless, I personally hoped that it would bring him down. The best would’ve been that I send him to get a good sleep but he didn’t want to until the song was finished so I had to work around that.

“You don’t have to tell me the background of your song but if it’s possible you could explain how you want it to sound like?” I asked him and immediately was hit by a wave of Markus explaining the weirdest and most abstracts feelings and thoughts which were hidden inside of his head. That was all I needed to do, giving him a mental push to go over the block that held back what he searched for in all these past nights, the right muse and flow to put first in words and then in musical notes what he actually wanted the song to be, not demos that tried to sound like his feelings.

 

_I hear you laughing like a child_

_Instead of choking all riled_

_Instead of staring at shortcomings_

 

I didn’t even need to say anything more, as soon as Markus began talking what’s been seemingly lost inside of him, he also began explaining how he would build this and that, ending up setting together exactly that song he deeply wished for. I gladly listened to him and watched the cursor running over the screen of his laptop. I had to smile, seeing how the sorrows and tears vanished from Markus’ eyes and they lighted up in such a beautiful shimmer, it almost made me emotional.

Time ran away from us into deep into the morning, the birds were already chirping outside of the windows, even the rain stopped as Markus happily turned the screen towards me, pressing the play-button.

At this point I couldn’t hold back my own feelings. It was beautiful, impossible to think this song was built just in a few hours but the pain and sorrow that stood behind it was well hearable. A few tears ran down my face, of happiness and pride to have such a talented friend.

“You did an amazing job, I’m so proud of you.” I muttered and wrapped my arms around Markus, who couldn’t stop smiling either.

 

_Just like the rain when you cried_

_Washed all the stains of false pride_

_You’ll learn to make the best of things_

 

“Now I have even more ideas in my head than I did before, I could start another one right away.” Markus stated as he saved his wonderful song.

“You should most of all get a good head of sleep and show your piece to the other guys this evening, right? Then we can start another one, as many songs as you wish.” I replied, happy that I held Markus from spiraling down into his deepest misery because of a song hidden behind a block. Music was there to save you, not to hurt you.


End file.
